What Not To Say...Part 2

People LOVED my "What Not to Say to a Parent of Preemie Multiples" post a few months ago so I decided to do an updated one. Amazingly the comments have changed now that the girls are a little older, have their own opinions and now a lack of patience! Let's just say, going into public is a full contact sport!

If you see a tired momma of twins (or more then 2 kids that are very young) please DO NOT

1. Give me advice! - unless I ask for it please do not give me unwanted advice, it is just rude. If you do not have any children and you stop me to give me advice I might bite you...maybe there should be a warning on my shirt like the puppies at the SPCA? "Bites when provoked!"

2. Touch my baby - this goes for year around but now in winter more then ever I do not want you to touch my baby! Thanks for giving my child the gift of a cold!

3. Say "You got your hands full" - thank you master of the obvious, if you are not going to help by opening a door or carrying a bag then keep your mouth shut, I am just trying to buy some food.

4. Say "Double Trouble" - They don't need any ideas, let's tell them they are sweet and maybe it will rub off!

5. Ask "Are they twins?" - Okay, I have two babies that are the same size that look just like the other one...YES, they are twins! My friend told me she became so tired of people asking that stupid question that she started saying "No, different fathers". SO funny! 

I LOVE it when you say...

1. "They are SO pretty!" - thanks, I grew them myself :)

2. "Let me get that door for you." - love this because doors have become the enemy with no free hands and/or a double stroller.

3. "What a great smile!" - that is one of my favorite things too.

4. "I had a hard time with one, you are amazing!" - thanks, I needed that ego boost!

5. "They look so healthy and happy for twins!" - it was a lot of work to get them there thanks for noticing!

So if you happen to see me out with my amazing girls please keep these in mind. For the most part I am not offended if what you say and do comes from a place of love. If however, you come from a place of judgement you better bring your boxing gloves!

The Importance of Momma Care

Before I begin let me just say that I am one of the worst people ever at taking care of myself, this was a hard lesson to learn. It took a really wicked flu for me to realize I had to take better care of myself. I felt compelled to share my experience in momma care.

Finding Time to Eat

I am constantly feeding the twins. They eat a total of about 30 ounces of momma milk a day but divided into feedings every 2-3 hours. It feels like as soon as a feeding ends you are prepping for the next one. They eat so much but finding the time for myself to eat is hard. Some days I have a single cup of coffee until 2 or 3 in the afternoon when I finally get to eat. This is not good. Our bodies need food to create energy. Even though I joke with people that having twins is the best diet plan out there I did need to find time to eat. So my solution? Force myself to take a few minutes when I am feeding the girls to eat something myself. They are now getting so close to being ready for solids that they watch me with wide eyed wonder as I eat often making smacking noises. The day they can finally sit in a high chair and eat at the same time I will say a prayer of thanks!

Pretty Momma

I read a blog post not to long ago about how a mom of two kids rarely gets the time to shower, get dressed and make herself pretty. She and other commenter's talked about how they will wear their pj's all day and when their husbands come home they look the same as when they left. My first thought was "how sad". Even with twins taking 20 minutes to shower, dress, run a brush through my hair and put on a little make-up is possible. I just bring them into the bathroom with me in bouncy chairs and sing them loud goofy songs while I get ready. I want to teach my girls through my actions that taking care of yourself is important. I refuse to be "that mom" at Target in her pj's who has not showered and looks frazzled, what is that teaching my daughters?

Guilt Free Exercise

The girls are too young to be left in the day care at the gym but even if they were old enough I would think that I may end up feeling guilty during my work out for leaving them in care. In the end I decided to join Stroller Strides. All the mommas bring the babes bundled up in their strollers with bottles, snacks and toys. We all work out while tickling babies and singing goofy songs to keep them happy and engaged. It is a really intense work out, this is no walking momma group! We are running suicides, working out arms with resistance tubes and hopping up and down stairs. We joke that you know you have been to Stroller Strides when it is hard to stand up off the toilet!

Hubby Time

After baby comes home you switch into a momma role and the hot sex-pot your husband fell in love with is snoring in bed at 9pm while holding a nursing baby! Daddy goes through many changes just like mom. It is important that we find the time to just be husband and wife again. About 1 or 2 times a month my mom comes over to have baby time and my husband and I run away like goofy teenagers. It is essential to find time for just us so we can reconnect. On a daily basis we let the girls fall asleep early and spend some time each night just enjoying each others company.

Connecting With Other Mommas

During the first few years it is SO important that we normalize our situation. Having time to talk with other mommas helps us feel like our lives have a sense of normalcy. Even though I have Stroller Strides I find that we can only talk so much, most of the time we are trying to catch our breath! So one day a week the girls and I go to a parent's group at Parent's Place in PG. In this group mommas sit in a warm quiet room, nurse their babies and have a guided conversation. It really helps me feel sane!

A Few Concluding Thoughts

As with all my advice and sharing remember that the best thing to do is what works for your family! Now go forth and continue to be SuperMom!

What Not to Say to a Parent of Preemie Multiples - Funny Post

Oh boy do I get attention! Not only are my girls adorable, I have two of them and I dress them in super cute clothes so naturally I get a ton of smiles and stares from others everywhere we go. The smiles I love but the comments that follow sometimes annoy me or just plain make me laugh! Here is a list I put together (with humor in my heart) of all the things we hear on a daily basis that you should just not say!

1. "Wow, you must have your hands full!" - okay seriously? Duh! Of course I do, but that was the 2 seconds when I forgot and was enjoying life. 

2. "Awe, a boy and a girl!" - nope wrong! Why do you assume I have one of each when both my girls are dressed in pink? One time I had giant bows on their heads too, I turned to the woman and said, "Yes, I put a orange bow on my son's head!"

3. "They are SO small!" - if you only knew how small they were before you would never say that!

4. "My baby can..." - that's nice but my babies are preemies so I am giving them more time to meet those milestones.

5. "I know, I am SO tired from parenting a newborn." - unless you also have twins, have more then 3 kids or are in a wheel chair I really do not want to hear how tired you are with one baby. Honestly, you have no idea!

6. "You are so brave to be out." - why? I have babies not little monsters!

On the other hand, here are the comments that really make my day.

1. "Wow, you are a supermom!" - yes I am, thanks for noticing.

2. "I don't know how you do it, you are amazing" - thank you for recognizing that my two babies are harder then your singleton.

3.  "A double blessing!" - that is exactly how I see it!

Cleaning Home for Baby

With twins I have only tiny moments here and there to clean (or do anything, right now I am doing the one handed typing while holding one and bouncing the other with my foot in a bouncy chair!). When I can clean I make sure that I am not doing more harm then good. Traditional cleaning products contain allergy triggers, anti-bacterial agents that cause super bugs or irritating fragrances. 

Here is how I have simplified green cleaning!

Basic Cleaning

For a green switch to cleaning all you need is baking soda, vinegar, lemons and essential oils. I buy baking soda and vinegar in ridiculously large packages from Costco. I have a glass bowl and scrub brush designated just for the purpose of cleaning. Into the bowl goes the baking soda, next pour some vinegar and watch the fun volcanic eruption of foam (be warned that this foam will be about twice the height of baking soda). Don’t worry about the smell of the vinegar, it will disappear after a few minutes and will not leave your bathroom smelling of a tossed salad. To create a better smell you can add lemon or essential oils to the baking soda. I like tea tree oil because of it’s antiseptic qualities, eucalyptus has a nice fresh smell and lavender smells pretty and calming. That mixture will work for kitchen, bathroom, floors and even laundry (see more on that below). A side note, make sure you buy biodegradable sponges so we do not add to landfills in our green cleaning process! There are natural sponges that work just as well as their evil counterparts. Old rags work wonderfully instead of paper towels.

Laundry and Cloth Diapers

Okay, confession time. I use my washer and dryer for cloth diapers. With twins I just have to go with electricity. Big time kudos to the mommas of twins who have the time and energy to line dry but this gal sure does not! So if you are a momma of multiple children like myself here is how I do laundry in the most eco-friendly way as possible. I like the Biokleen product, you only need a tablespoon measurement for a full load and for diapers I always add about a cup of baking soda and run the cycle on hot. To get that yummy out of the dryer smell I use Nellie's dryer balls with lavender essential oils. For whites add some vinegar into the bleach deposit in your washer, but don’t do that for colors because it does act like bleach and will fade your clothes. Ta Da! Clean clothes that are cost effective, earth friendly and clean!

Carpet

I hate carpet! It traps allergens, tracks the outside inside and gives dust mites a place to hide. Other then a warm floor in the morning when I get out of bed I have no positives to this invention. Sadly, our house has carpet in the living room and all the rooms upstairs so I had to learn to call a truce. Baking soda and vinegar will also work for carpet stains such as coffee, red wine, oil and grease. Just scrub the mixture into the carpet and rinse with water, after it dries vacuum a few times over the spot going in different directions. To get rid of carpet smells dust baking soda on the carpet, leave for a few seconds and vacuum. If your carpet is a darker color make sure you wash out the baking soda and vinegar or it may fade your colors. You can use this same combination in your carpet cleaning machines instead of the chemical filled cleaners at the store. I have a whole post on how to clean your carpets with a carpet cleaner!

Dishes

After the girls came home I graduated to a dish washer. It has been such a help when it comes to cleaning all those bottles! We use the Seventh Generation soup but I add a little vinegar to it because we have really hard water here. I make sure to only run full loads to cut down on our water use. For spot-free clean dishes from the sink I like Mrs. Myers products. For heavy grease you can use...YEP, baking soda and vinegar! Make sure to skip the lemons or anything with citrus for dishes, it can break down the metal on your silverware. I fill one side of my sink with about two inches of warm water, 1/2 cup of baking soda and a splash of vinegar. The nice part about using vinegar is it makes all of your glass spot free and shiny.

Resources

For more information on cleaning green for a happy baby home check out my favorites, no new mom should be with out these books!

Green Babies, Sage Moms by Linda Fassa

Ecoholic by Adria Vasil

Healthy Child Healthy World by Christopher Gavigan

My Favorite Baby Must-Haves!

These are the items that I cannot live with out that make life with twins possible! 

This is only a small list, I will add more later.

Baby Carriers

Daddy and Grace in her Ergo

We have two, and not just because we have two babies. I have the organic versions of the Moby wrap and Ergo. Baby carriers have got a bad rap recently in the news. If worn properly they are not a danger so just make sure to follow simple guidelines like not allowing your baby’s chin to rest on their chest and make sure that their face is not against your chest but to the side. Carriers range from wraps to packs like the Ergo to slings. It is really up to you and your back, pick something that feels comfortable. I love the Moby but the first time I tried to put my fussy baby in it for a walk I ended up throwing it across the room yelling “Who makes these things?”. It took a patient and loving friend of mine to show me how to wrap it on MY BODY! If you decide to go for a Moby make sure you find a friend who has one and have her show you how to wear it, youtube videos and written instructions are not enough!
For the simple fool-proof carrier I love the Ergo and so does Daddy! If you are looking for a carrier that Dad will not mind wearing buy an Ergo. Every man I have talked to says it is their favorite and it keeps getting voted as a "Daddy Favorite". It is great for mommas too, it distributes the weight of the baby to my hips making my back nice and happy. I also love the front zipper pocket for my cell and keys so I can run into the grocery store as fast as possible with two little ones. It also has a fabric portion that comes up and snaps on your shoulders to shield baby from the sun. It can be worn on your front, side and back all of which are comfortable. I cannot say enough good things about this carrier, every parent should have one!

Diaper Bags

There is more to being out on the town then just car seats and strollers. Diaper bags and baby carriers are also items to buy. Many diaper bags are waterproof which is a great idea in theory but make sure that you read the label to find out what they are using to waterproof the material. The manufacturer must print BPA or PVC free on the label, if you do not see that do not buy the item. I prefer bags you can throw in the washing machine over ones that are waterproof. Diaper bags that are chemical free cost more, but there are a few brands that are really great. Ergo makes both a back pack and a front pack that attaches to their carrier, these are chemical free. I am in love with my Ergo backpack! It has just the right amount of pockets and it can be worn as a backpack or it can attach to the Ergo carrier creating one rockin’ baby carrier!

Baby Legs - Leg Warmers

Photo from babylegs.com

Remember those awesome leg warmers we all wore in the 80’s and early 90’s? Well they are out of the ballet studio and back in a very cool way. Baby Legs makes these amazing and adorable baby leg warmers which are helpful in more ways then fashion. These are great when you have baby in the carrier because they do not bunch up and leave part of baby’s leg exposed. (The perfect mate for the Ergo!) They are also helpful when your outfit for the day is destroyed, you can pull out a pair of these and baby still looks cute. I like to use them in the winter or on rainy days as a type of layering. Baby legs are great for quick diaper changes and look adorable under dresses. They come in all types of patterns and colors. Why choose Baby Legs over a different brand? They do not get those annoying fabric balls, they stay up on baby’s leg and they offer many organic options.

Book Resources
Green Babies, Sage Moms by Linda Fassa
Ecoholic by Adria Vasil
Healthy Child Healthy World by Christopher Gavigan

Web Resources
www.babyearth.com
www.ergobabycarrier.com

http://www.babylegs.com/

Mothering Organic Twins and Staying Sane

Once you have kids everyone wants to give you advice. The best piece of advice I have received from a fellow twin parent went something like this; many people will tell you what is best to do but really the right thing to do is what is best for your family. So here I go giving you all advice but please know that this is what works for my family and my daughters, your children may be very different!
By reading just one post of my blog you know that I am a green enthusiast, our home is all organic from food to laundry to cleaning. When the girls arrived I knew I had to find a balance in order to stay sane. Here are a few ways I have maintained my green lifestyle but with a twist.

Cloth diapering with Twins

I am a huge fan of cloth diapering but with twins it can become a little crazy! The amount of diapers we go through in a week is so high that I cannot fathom going with disposables all the time. However, I did find a great compromise. We have a Gdiaper system. What I love about the Gdiapers is you can choose to put a cloth insert or disposable insert in a cloth diaper shell. So far I have done all cloth at home and disposable when we are going out for a long day or at night since it holds more with out leaking. I love the system and highly recommend it for parents of twins who want to dip your feet in both pools. It also gives me the option of going all cloth if I ever become so brave.

Twin Scheduling

Many things bothered me about being in the hospital with the girls but this one takes the cake! So far every parent of twins that I have encountered has talked about "the schedule". It is discussed and lived SO much that it is almost a 5th person in the family. What I mean by a schedule is the twins have a set routine of eating times, diaper changing times, nap times, bath times and bed times. You can never waiver from the schedule or the whole system is destroyed. 

So here are my issues with twin scheduling. 1) My girls are VERY different people with separate personalities. One needs a lot of cuddling and attention and the other is happy to sit in a bouncy chair or stroller as long as she can see me. One of the girls wants to eat more often in smaller amounts and the other likes to eat a lot not as often. What I noticed in the hospital is heartbreaking to me. They would let a twin cry for 20 minutes when she was begging for food because it wasn't time for her to eat. It was everything in me not to stand up and do it myself! It just does not make sense to me to teach my children to push aside their natural feelings of hunger until it is time to eat or to force them to eat when they are not hungry. What is that teaching them? I would prefer to teach my girls to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full, what a great life skill to learn now! 

2) My life did NOT end when I became a mother. My girls go everywhere with me. I still do all the activities I did before they came home but it takes me about 2 1/2 times the amount of time it took before. The only exception is going to movies, I really hate it when people bring their babies to a movie and they cry the whole time! We get a sitter for that type of date! When you put your babies on a set schedule then the whole household revolves around the schedule. It dictates when you can sleep, eat and go to the restroom! It also prevents you from fun activities like going out to dinner or having a dinner party at a friend's house because you have to go home to bath and bed time. Instead of making them fit a schedule I made up I follow their schedule. When they nap I either use the time to get things done or I nap too. When they go to bed for the night I spend some time with my husband and then I go to bed too. When they are up in the morning I get up as well and we all have breakfast. I always have bottles ready to go so when they decide they are hungry I feed them as much as they want. I love what this communicates to my girls and this is what works for me. If you are a twin parent with a schedule that you love then that is what works for you but for me I like to keep our lives in an organic flow.

The Biggest Help in Staying Sane!

I cannot say it enough, keep a loud environment as much as possible! This is great for parents of single babies too. The girls had a loud environment in the NICU so I keep up the noise level when I came home. The result? My girls can sleep anywhere! They fall asleep in Target, other people's homes, the car and once they slept through a firework show! The beauty of this runs deep, I can do so many things when they sleep. I can run a load of clothes through the wash, run the dishwasher, vacuum the carpet, talk on the phone, watch a movie...and all with out waking them up! 

Wrap it Up

Have Twins, Will Travel...

The last thing I thought I would be doing just days after our babies came home is move to a different house! With in minutes of arriving home we knew that our small 2 bedroom beach house would not be enough space for two adults and two babies with all their stuff. Right now my living room looks like the showroom at Babies R' Us! When a house opened up in the university professor housing we just could not pass it up. Our new place is three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms on a cute cul de sac with a fenced backyard (yay swing set time!) an attached garage, a separate laundry room and...gasp...a dishwasher! The best part is that is can be a rent-to-own so if we really love the place we never have to move again!

I am so excited for the girls to have their own room and kid bathroom and the hubby is excited that he does not have to give up his office! Although packing with two tiny babies has been challenging I keep thinking of what the future has in store. I love the idea of living with the other professors and having our children raised in an academic environment, besides, who doesn't love fresh ocean breezes and sand dunes?